I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
