If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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