And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
