i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
