Duck Duck Cougar?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize