Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
