i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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