my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
