I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
