is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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