She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
