someone threw a dead crab at me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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