I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
