we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
