I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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