community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
