all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize