Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
