I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
