im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
