I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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