i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize