im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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