My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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