You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize