I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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