Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
