He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
