Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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