I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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