it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
