I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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