I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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