There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
