I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
