I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
