And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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