i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize