matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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