It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
