Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How does one acquire holy water?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
