Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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