it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
