apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize