So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
