We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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