Buhtt sex?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
