You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Me too!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
