i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I accidentally burped into my bong.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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