how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
