My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
