i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My ass is underappreciated
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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