Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
