obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
