My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
