Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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