That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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