Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize