And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
