2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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