Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize