So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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